We knew it would only be a matter of time before Mother Nature realized that “for craps’ sake, we’re in Penticton already!!!”, and manage to get us some reasonable spring weather.  Almost as if she had been snapped to attention by some daft fools yelling ‘on-on!’ as they ran past her home…  she groggily peeled herself off her plastic-covered recliner, still in a daze, she glanced over at Dr. Phil spouting nonsense to the masses, and turned the furnace setting to ‘Spring’.  Finally, allowing the whitest of white legs to show themselves at a PH3 run!

BagBoy had the honour on this day, and milked it for all it was worth, requesting the full 10 minutes, and promising that there would be no hills…  Seriously, he promised.  What the pack should have realized was that in BagBoy’s most certainly non-Euclidean universe, ‘no hills’ means something akin to being dropped from a Cessna at 20000 feet.  Without a parachute.

Demonstrating his aptitude as a past Harlem Globetrotter, BagBoy marked his run on this day with the tennis ball + flour technique.  He raved about it, and was very proud of the fact that he purpose-bought a can of balls to celebrate the occasion.  Never before has this reporter seen a man as happy to be the first to touch some balls.  Man did they bounce!  Later, BagBoy reported to me that he did get some interesting looks.

He led the pack south through town, twisting and turning, and sometimes forgetting that the ball should have been fondled a little less, and bounced a little more…  Through the mall parking lot we went, and Hard to Swallow was having trouble staying out of the way of the seniors trying to find parking spots.

Through the parking lot, and at this point, when it seemed obvious – given BagBoy’s disclaimer – that we would be heading back north, Shunty directed the pack up and up again to the east.  There seemed to be a bit of confusion, and Trotsky and Stares Hard were left behind to find the trail on their own devices (which, between the two of them is not saying a lot).  They eventually caught up, and Trotsky bravely let them go ahead again to avoid his wheezing being the cause of a seizure to the other hashers.

At this point, Trotsky, fell back, and decided that a good old fashioned zen was in order along Government street, because he felt that some strength was required to be saved for the end when he would attempt to lay the beat down on BagBoy for making his run so flat.  He saw the pack floundering one block to the east, and truly was feeling good about this zen.  But when the pack turned east again, to go up and over Dartmouth and down the path, he made the fatal flaw of following, and not committing, really committing to the zen.  I highly recommend reading his book “Hashing and the Art of Zenning”, but I digress…  Trotsky found himself stranded on the other side of the creek from the pack, which wouldn’t really have been a problem, had BagBoy been a little less dastardly in his placement of the beer check.  After searching for 50m up the creek (without a paddle, mind you) Shunty showed Trotsky the way, and the entire pack was soon enjoying a crisp bevvie, and basking in the sunlight, extending the BC to a good 35 minutes.  Well worth the run!

The pack quickly started down the path to the On-In and soon were regaling BagBoy with songs, and death threats, at the Mug.

On On!

This report was written on April 14, so quite a time after the hash itself.  If you want to know who got what down-down, ask Shunty – he keeps that information in his vault….

An even dozen hashers gathered at the Poppa & Momma StaresHard’s place for Hash #23. There was much debate about where the route would take us, but most of the pack figured it would be downhill running. After downing a shot of ReachArounds, what MudHoney and JustLisa lovingly referred to as ‘mouthwash’, StaresHard gave a few brief chalk explanations and dashed off, his jacket leaving fluorescent green vapour trails. The group posed for a few more photos, JustPhil tried to pawn off his Hash-It, Polejockey shoved the ‘Hasher Book of Song’ down his shorts, Shunty elected to carry his (the book, not the shorts) and at approximately 9:59 the group headed out.

At approximately one minute into the run we hit our first set of stairs (up), not a good sign for downhill running. Then the descent began and the pack of Hashers picked up a full head of steam down Carmi Avenue till they hit Columbia Street with no marks in sight. A few of the laggards milled around one intersection upstream, not because they saw a mark, but mainly because they’d seen another mark further in on their way to the Hash start and realized that the devious StaresHard had omitted a crucial check/arrow. An ‘On-On’ was cried out and they all went for a slide at Columbia School. The trail led through the suspect Garden Apartments (GhettoApartment check) and stopped in front of a house with a check labeled ‘GSSH’ (GrandmaStaresHardHouse). Knocking on the door produced treats in the form of chocolates! Who said that Valentine’s Day comes once a year. Bagboy arrived too late for chocolate and was busy trying to convert his videocamera into a normal camera.

Off the group went again, more downhill, an ever-so-fun playground check and a cleverly placed check that led the pack down a newly planted power-line trail onto Dartmouth. From there it was onto a shiggy trail that brought them to the promised land ‘Beer Near’. The famished mob tore up the hill, around the Health Unit, onto Carmi Avenue… wait a minute, it said ‘Beer Near’, not ‘Beer Five Miles’. Retracing their steps, they found another trail, ran down the hill, more arrows.. more… this was getting very confusing, and seeming all too familiar. Finally, a cry from upon the hill! Beer had been found! Seems that we missed SUCH an obvious mark, as HardToSwallow pointed out to the group with words that we cannot mention here. There was also apparently an arrow in the tree. Tree?

After everyone’s had their liquid refreshments, they headed out along the marks already found and down the Ellis Creek pathway. The arrows were easy to find, the checks self-explanatory and the group’s morale improved as they were certain that the final destination was the Copper Mug. More playtime at another PlayGround check before the group did indeed land at the Mug.

Down-downs were issued to the following:

Stares Hard for all the shitty shitty trail, infrequent checks and conservation of chalk and flour…also another down down for the use of shitty blue chalk that couldn’t be seen.

Dickweezl for standing on the check and saying “I’m staying here” until someone finds the trail. Another for Accusing H2S and Trotsky for misdemeanors when they were actually getting him unlost.

Just Phil for standing on a check and waving the hashit about for no reason, and another for shamelessly trying to give away the hashit to H2S by letting him touch it.

MudHoney and Just Lisa for spilling out beer at the Beer Check.

Bag Boy for putting the recycle-ables into the garbage instead of carrying them, made into a double down down for protesting. Also another for having spent batteries in the camera.

Pole Jockey for carrying the songbook in his underwear…namely his crotch.

H2S for coveting the Hashit, referring to it as “my precious”, then another for being officially awarded the hashit.

Shunty for calling MudHoney by her real name, Mudhoney also received a down down for this crime, but who knows why?

Quags for not having any misdemeanours assessed on the trail.(ie/ no one came up with a down down for him)

Shunty for singing Do-A-Beer out of tune.

Pole Jockey for using Trotsky’s real name at the playground check.

Trotsky for standing on the check which was also made into a double because he complained about receiving the down down.

JustJohn for being a virgin and for enjoying himself so much, StaresHard also received a down down because he was JustJohn’s sponsor.

As a reminder, DickWeezl’s will be holding a Blues Brothers Run on Sat., Feb. 21st at 2 PM at the Sandman Inn.  He is planning the afternoon run, and a party afterwards with raffles, door prizes and 50-50 draws at Otto’s pub as a fundraiser for Carpenters for Cambodia.  Show up wearing your Blues Brothers garb (hat, sunglasses, briefcase etc.)

Don’t forget about the blues band jam at Ottto’s that night!  Tickets at Peach City Runners, $10.

Next PH3 Hash: Run #24 – Old Trails and Ghost Towns

Date: Sunday, February 22, 2009

Time: Chalk Talk at 1:00pm - Run starts at 1:10pm!

Location: Copper Mug Pub

Cost: $5

Hare: Bag Boy