Well, better late than never, as I always say… wait a second, has anyone ever actually heard me say that??  Nevermind, I digress, and I’m only 1 1/2 sentences into this post…

Sunday brought around the regular gang once again for a glorious day in the Okanagan… too bad Bag Boy had to go and spoil it with yet another shitty hash!  Anyhow, it’s been so long since then that I can’t really remember what the weather was like, ok, ok, I’ll stop with the memory theme…

The kennel circled up in front of the Copper Mug in anticipation of the misery that Bag Boy was about to bestow upon us.  Everyone seemed to be in a good mood regardless of that fact, as they were likely still revelling in the success of Dickweezl’s event the night prior, at which a vast majority of the kennel was in attendance.  We were treated to some absolutely top notch blues bands, including a real-live reincarnation of the great Jimi Hendrix himself.  Back to reality though, as Dickweezl and BMSex rolled in just on time (only 10 minutes late) and invited everyone to try out his new ‘coffee’ dispenser in the back of his truck.  “It’s good coffee, get you goin’ in the morning” he was heard to exclaim.  Noone seemed to mind that it looked and tasted a lot like beer.

Shunty got the circle going (eventually) with a few announcements - first of which let the kennel know that he has been anointed the GrandMaster of PH3…  As the kennel strained to hear what else the new GM had to say on behalf of the mismanagement, the noises eminating from Dickweezl seemed to be drowning out the Shunt…  The pre-hash circle perservered, and BagBoy was off - having requested the full extent of a 10 minute lead for the first time in PH3 history.  Now, either he’s losing steam, or had too much to drink last night… either way, you know that’s a sign that he is forever one of us!

Exactly 9:59 later, and with no hash-shit in sight (word is that Hard to Swallow was living up to his name) the pack was off, through the Safeway parking lot and towards the west end of town.  Bag Boy’s chalk was a pale blue hue, and it was evident during parts of the run that his new delivery system was at times suffering from performance anxiety.  That or he just wasn’t pumping it hard enough.  It looked as though he needed at least 5-6 good spurts to make a circle.  Please feel free to take that out of context!

The trail wound itself through old neighbourhoods, and eventually, the pack came to a check that seemingly had no solution…. that is until Trotsky and Stares Hard (go figure) decided to try what looked more like an abandoned deerpath leading over a rusted ramp and around derelict warehouses.  The triumphant ‘ON-ON’ caught the pack unawares, and a fair distance in the wrong direction.

Trotsky was hot on the trail at that point, sniffing the remnants of Bag Boy’s breakfast as he ran.  Too bad for him that his eyesight failed him just a bit further down the road… right direction, wrong side of the tracks… or was he giving the FRBs (Fat Running Bastards) an excuse to stand on checks?  Yeah, let’s go with that.

Through the alleys of Penticton the kennel continued… and past just about every barking dog in the city.  There should be a law!  Why are dogs so goddamn territorial?  Shunty, obviously not getting enough exercise, stopped in an alley to partake of a stray elliptical machine… that Shunty, always looking to stay in shape!

Further down the trail, and around a few corners, the kennel sidled up to a bus shelter with a circled ‘H’ at its entrance.  Mistaking this ‘Hold’ for a ‘Hymn Check’ (of which Bag Boy assured us there were two).  Before starting on the provided hymns, Dickweezl decided to regale us with his newest song sung to the tune of ‘Paradise City’ by Guns ‘n Roses.  After the cats in the immediate vicinity had begun searching for the elusive female in heat, the pack proceeded to sing the provided hymns to the tune of ‘The Addams Family’, in honour of Mr. Ellis, one of Penticton’s founders.  Now, the text along with the song seemed to indicate that this was an appropriate place to be doing such a thing.  We all just figured that Bag Boy knew something we didn’t - which is entirely possible, I guess.

Off we went, in search of trail, and we found it… it led right to the residence of Pole Jockey - who was noticeably absent.  Shunty, Stares Hard and Trotsky were not willing to let this go unobserved, so doorbells were rung, and knocks were delivered.  The three of them ran away so quickly that they ran in the opposite direction to the nearest arrows, thus allowing the kennel to skip a large section of Bag Boy’s trail.  Luckily, they didn’t have to go too far to pick up the scent.  The pack had a hard time not tripping over the herd of cats following Dickweezl, who continued to belt out his new aria.

What we found out later, was that by inadvertantly zenning the section of trail that we had, we had actually skipped BOTH hymn checks set out by Bag Boy.  He blamed it on switching the trail back on itself and marks being too close together.  That’s our story too, and we’re sticking to it!

At the beer check, and most likely because it was Oscar day, Dickweezl decided to enlighten us on the finer points of 80’s movie pop culture, doing his best impersonations of Bruce Willis and Sean Connery… not to mention breaking into the occasional attempt at Axl Rose.  Who remembered ear plugs?

Off we were, and sensing the On-After, the pack picked up the pace and sauntered down hill into the Copper Mug.  Unfortunately, the cats were not allowed in, but they could be seen clamoring at the window…  A lively circle which saw the likes of Bubbles and a few other interesting characters emerge from one particular corner of the circle.  Noone was going to upstage Sean Penn for best actor on this day, however!

Of note, Trotsky managed to survive his ‘BlackJack’ hash - his 21st.  Noone knows why (well, ok, Quags, Trotsky and Shunty know) 21 is a landmark number for our kennel - it just is!  Trotsky was presented with a beautiful carabiner to hang his used beer pull tabs on, and won his hand of black jack (with a true black jack no less!) to ascertain the right to choose his own celebratory shot….  other down-downs were as follows:

Just Phil for presuming to assign down-downs to hashers (specifically the RA) during the run.

Shunty for adding additional exercise to the hash by having a fitness check on an broken down elliptical trainer he found an alley.

Stares Hard and Shunty for running past the beer check, possibly due to the distracting zen that Shunty was running across the field that contained the check.

Trotsky for missing the mark on Hastings street and then (while the rest of the pack worked furiously to find the trail) having the nerve to slowly walk back to the last check only to discover he had wandered back to mark he previously missed.

Dickweasel for the Guns ‘N Roses hash song that he sang in a voice reminiscent of a drunken slurring Axel Rose, or perhaps of an alley cat being slaughtered. Also for:

<!–[if !supportLists]–>- <!–[endif]–>his strange impersonation of Sean Connery

<!–[if !supportLists]–>- <!–[endif]–>insulting Mud Honey’s knowledge of pop culture

<!–[if !supportLists]–>- <!–[endif]–>insisting Bruce Willis is the of our time

<!–[if !supportLists]–>- <!–[endif]–>forgetting his therapy and constantly haranguing the female hashers

<!–[if !supportLists]–>- <!–[endif]–>telling newfie jokes

(Apparently a total of two down-downs were deemed appropriate penance for all of the above)

Mudhoney for leading the pack astray; resulting in the hounds completely missing the graveyard and the 2^nd hymn check.

Bag Boy for continually choosing to sing Drink! as a down-down song (although it usually works in a strange way when Pole Jockey is assisting).

We are looking forward to next week’s hash, which will feature Mudhoney and JustLisa taking the kennel on their first hash as hares, see you at Anthony’s Pub, 1pm!!!

Trotsky

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An even dozen hashers gathered at the Poppa & Momma StaresHard’s place for Hash #23. There was much debate about where the route would take us, but most of the pack figured it would be downhill running. After downing a shot of ReachArounds, what MudHoney and JustLisa lovingly referred to as ‘mouthwash’, StaresHard gave a few brief chalk explanations and dashed off, his jacket leaving fluorescent green vapour trails. The group posed for a few more photos, JustPhil tried to pawn off his Hash-It, Polejockey shoved the ‘Hasher Book of Song’ down his shorts, Shunty elected to carry his (the book, not the shorts) and at approximately 9:59 the group headed out.

At approximately one minute into the run we hit our first set of stairs (up), not a good sign for downhill running. Then the descent began and the pack of Hashers picked up a full head of steam down Carmi Avenue till they hit Columbia Street with no marks in sight. A few of the laggards milled around one intersection upstream, not because they saw a mark, but mainly because they’d seen another mark further in on their way to the Hash start and realized that the devious StaresHard had omitted a crucial check/arrow. An ‘On-On’ was cried out and they all went for a slide at Columbia School. The trail led through the suspect Garden Apartments (GhettoApartment check) and stopped in front of a house with a check labeled ‘GSSH’ (GrandmaStaresHardHouse). Knocking on the door produced treats in the form of chocolates! Who said that Valentine’s Day comes once a year. Bagboy arrived too late for chocolate and was busy trying to convert his videocamera into a normal camera.

Off the group went again, more downhill, an ever-so-fun playground check and a cleverly placed check that led the pack down a newly planted power-line trail onto Dartmouth. From there it was onto a shiggy trail that brought them to the promised land ‘Beer Near’. The famished mob tore up the hill, around the Health Unit, onto Carmi Avenue… wait a minute, it said ‘Beer Near’, not ‘Beer Five Miles’. Retracing their steps, they found another trail, ran down the hill, more arrows.. more… this was getting very confusing, and seeming all too familiar. Finally, a cry from upon the hill! Beer had been found! Seems that we missed SUCH an obvious mark, as HardToSwallow pointed out to the group with words that we cannot mention here. There was also apparently an arrow in the tree. Tree?

After everyone’s had their liquid refreshments, they headed out along the marks already found and down the Ellis Creek pathway. The arrows were easy to find, the checks self-explanatory and the group’s morale improved as they were certain that the final destination was the Copper Mug. More playtime at another PlayGround check before the group did indeed land at the Mug.

Down-downs were issued to the following:

Stares Hard for all the shitty shitty trail, infrequent checks and conservation of chalk and flour…also another down down for the use of shitty blue chalk that couldn’t be seen.

Dickweezl for standing on the check and saying “I’m staying here” until someone finds the trail. Another for Accusing H2S and Trotsky for misdemeanors when they were actually getting him unlost.

Just Phil for standing on a check and waving the hashit about for no reason, and another for shamelessly trying to give away the hashit to H2S by letting him touch it.

MudHoney and Just Lisa for spilling out beer at the Beer Check.

Bag Boy for putting the recycle-ables into the garbage instead of carrying them, made into a double down down for protesting. Also another for having spent batteries in the camera.

Pole Jockey for carrying the songbook in his underwear…namely his crotch.

H2S for coveting the Hashit, referring to it as “my precious”, then another for being officially awarded the hashit.

Shunty for calling MudHoney by her real name, Mudhoney also received a down down for this crime, but who knows why?

Quags for not having any misdemeanours assessed on the trail.(ie/ no one came up with a down down for him)

Shunty for singing Do-A-Beer out of tune.

Pole Jockey for using Trotsky’s real name at the playground check.

Trotsky for standing on the check which was also made into a double because he complained about receiving the down down.

JustJohn for being a virgin and for enjoying himself so much, StaresHard also received a down down because he was JustJohn’s sponsor.

As a reminder, DickWeezl’s will be holding a Blues Brothers Run on Sat., Feb. 21st at 2 PM at the Sandman Inn.  He is planning the afternoon run, and a party afterwards with raffles, door prizes and 50-50 draws at Otto’s pub as a fundraiser for Carpenters for Cambodia.  Show up wearing your Blues Brothers garb (hat, sunglasses, briefcase etc.)

Don’t forget about the blues band jam at Ottto’s that night!  Tickets at Peach City Runners, $10.

Next PH3 Hash: Run #24 - Old Trails and Ghost Towns

Date: Sunday, February 22, 2009

Time: Chalk Talk at 1:00pm - Run starts at 1:10pm!

Location: Copper Mug Pub

Cost: $5

Hare: Bag Boy

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