Great excitement filled the hot, smoky air this Sunday afternoon. No, it wasn’t that other organized competitive event that was trying to overshadow our exciting hash run. It was the fact that we had hashers visiting from Edmonton, Calgary and Vancouver! We also rejoiced in the return of PoleJockey and more importantly, the Hashit. Spermbank, Stinky and Abysmal were the hares and the latter two had already left (typical Stinky shenanigans) leaving Spermie to deliver the the chalk talk. We blessed her and booted her out leaving us to compare notes about our different hashes.

After exactly 7:32 minutes the pack departed and followed the course to Okanagan Lake where Spermie was waiting and waved goodbye (perhaps forever?). Onto the trail following the shoreline below the KVR, over logs, under bushes the FRB’s were setting a suicidal pace. Finally, starting to climb up the bluffs we emerged on the KVR and then set out northwards. The day was getting hotter but we were refreshed by running through a serene setting of trees in the cemetery and luckily noone had scheduled services this time. Out onto Corbishley Road with it’s fresh asphalt leading us around the backside of Munson Mtn. There were no holds so the group had gotten very stretched out.

By the time the RRB’s (rear running bastards) had arrived the FRB’s had taken off along Naramata Road, up Reservoir Road and onto single-track trails. With great amusement the RRB’s watched the little ant specks climb the hillside. At this juncture, some of the group decided to return to the start as they had friends competing in that competitive event (which shall not be spoken of) while the others wisely decided to zen across Upper Bench Road to the south. GoatBag loved trails so he took the middle ground and dashed up the mountain and took lower trails to try and hook up with the other goats. The goatherd met up mid-mountain and wondered how much longer this could go on in the heat. The pack jumped over three sets of fences and then started to descend down a narrow, rocky twisty ravine. Pure hasher delight! Onto a dirt road that finally opened into orchards and civilization again. It was there that we ran past Absymal without actually knowing it was him, though some did note the hasher shirt he was wearing.

We traversed another orchard where we joined up with the zenners, waved hi to ‘LongNHard’ who wasn’t running, and after a few more blocks ended up at the BC at the running track. Ceremonial IronYam medallions were handed out in appreciation and shooters downed. From there the group went back downtown and circled up in Cenotaph Park.

Downdowns were issued to:

Hares: Spermbank, Stinky and Abysmal for an enjoyably tough run with lots of shig, climbs, descents and a variety of running terrain.
Earl of Hurl: Misjudging the speed of Goatbag when trying to hide behind the bushes and scare the bejeezus out of him.
?: Wearing competitive running timing chip on his shoes.
Philthy and GoatBag: For cancelling a previous Hash that Stinky and Abysmal put on. They had been given a downdown at a previous hash for this, but Abysmal wasn’t present to enjoy the moment then.
PoleJockey: For laying down the Hashit. He’s only been back for one run and is already losing his grip on the stick!

Next week’s hash, Sunday, Sept. 6th is being hared by GoatBag and you can either meet behind Peach City Runners at 1:30 PM and carpool up to Campbell Mtn. or meet directly at the start at 2 PM. For more directions refer to our ‘Upcoming Hash’ page on the website.

Hash 51 saw the return of Stairshard to haring duties after a much missed absence. We assembled in the parking lot of Columbia school where virgin JustJara tried to introduce herself over the strains of Dickweasel’s blasting blues. (Who was that playing guitar by the way, they had nice chops)

Most of the trail was pre laid during an early morning family mountain bike ride so chalk talk was brief and the hare was duly blessed and sent on his way to lay the final third of the trail (and plant the beer). The pack, meanwhile, began the ascent.

The route climbed steadily through suburban streets. JustShelie cruised the long, hard hill with ease, despite her claims of being out of gas from her previous day’s 16K run.  The pavement eventually ended at a  boulder obstructed gravel road. Here the FRBs waited for JustJara and Goatbag to catch up. For some obscure reason Goatbag took a detour into a cul-de-sac instead of running up the hill with the pretty lady. Inscrutable.

Soon after the boulders the pack came upon a 3 way check. Would the trail go up, down or over the flat. After a few meters on the down slope the trail was picked up by Hard To Swallow. Dickweasel soon followed but the rest of the pack suspected trickery and zenned their way through the flat. (Not the uphill mind you, that would involve climbing.) The pack’s instincts proved correct as the FRBs puffed their way back up the hill swearing and muttering something about a back check.

After much aimless zenning Goatbag eventually picked up the trail again. JustShelie mentioned that during her travels she was sure she had seen the hare at a fallen log. The trail continued up and down, through a dirt bike path, past a rusted out car, a blown knee joint, and a herd of deer. Along the way Goatbag dissappeared up a hill, only to reappear on the trail again.

At the top of the trail there was a fine view check but for some reason Dickweasel wasn’t there. Apparently he had decided that since he hadn’t seen any marks in a while he was going to continue running in the same direction.

Hard To Swallow and JustShelie decided to FRB it from the view check but were soon brought up short by the absence of marks. While they vainly peered about JustJara pointed to the flour at their feet and exclaimed “on-on.” And the virgin did lead them.

The trail became a quick, straight fore ward descent to a fallen log (the very same one JustShelie had observed), the beer, and a satisfied hare. While the beer was being consumed Dickweasel reappeared, regaling the pack with tales of secret routes taken and strange vistas seen.

At circle, just as Stairshard was about to be punished for his shiggy trail, who should appear but Mom and Dad Stairshard. Mom quickly confiscated Stairshard’s beer and drank it herself. Stairshard couldn’t believe how embarrassing this was like o… my…. god.

Down downs were awarded to:

The Hare (and his Mom) for laying a shitty trail.

JustJara for appearing at her virgin run.

JustShelie and Hard To Swallow for both missing the mark and engaging in (gasp) race talk.

Dickweasel for losing the trail and almost missing the beer check.

Goatbag for (gasp) zenning.

Hard to Swallow for (gasp) being obstinate (that’s a big word that means hard to swallow)

After the down downs a full glass of the nation’s (well province’s at least) finest pilsner was poured and JustShelie was bestowed with her hasher name. In honour of her persistent long and hard attack on the hills during the infamous Naramata death march she was named Long and Hard.

Welcome Long and Hard

(Dickweasel fucked the name up on his first try.)