Hash #59 – The Monster Bash
The Shiggy Dusters gathered at 1pm for the first-ever Bash (biking hash). Well, 5 of us did, anyway. While waiting, Goatbag rode around the parking lot trying to perfect his tennis-ball-from-the-bike technique. Shunty was inexplicably late, but after a phone call from Goatbag (his co-hare), appeared within minutes. MudHoney and JustJason passed the time by riding down stairs and large cliffs, while the others huddled inside Goatbag’s car to stay warm. After circling up, and reviewing the Bashing procedures, we were issued whistles with which to communicate. Shunty also provided each Basher with an ominous-looking green bottle, with instructions to “save it for the cruise section.”
After waiting a few minutes, the Bashers set out, believing we might have a chance of catching the hares. We were initially confused by the whistles, but after some practice were able to effectively annoy all residents within a 4-block radius (more on that later). The hash began innocently enough, with a nice scenery picture by the bridge. Then we found some dastardly checks, clearly set by a devious pair of hares out to make us freeze our asses off before we found the beer check. Little did we know. Fortunately, Long N’ Hard quickly discovered that the mysterious green bottles contained a yummy beverage, which kept the Bashers warm during the first part of the Bash.
After a while, the first camera battery died, so Long N’ Hard stopped by her house to retrieve a second camera. Some minutes (and one back check) later, this camera also died, forcing MudHoney to retrieve her own camera. Shiggy Duster history reveals that this is the first hash to outlast two camera batteries – perhaps it was a bit long for the Bashers’ biking abilities? Somewhere in all the camera craziness, the trail led across Main Street, within 1 block of the RCMP station. Our whistles must have attracted attention, because after being stymied by a vicious double back-check, the Bashers found themselves being followed by a police cruiser. Philthy, about to blow his whistle as the car passed him, was warned by a fellow hasher just in time. Both of them were able to escape by pulling a u-turn in the middle of the road.
The hash continued to wind toward the north end of town, until a bathroom stop was requested at the Husky station on Westminster. Though not the only Hasher to require the stop, Philthy took so long inside that the other Bashers gave him up for dead and decided to make off with his bicycle. After sprinting a few blocks and having his bike accidentally dropped to the ground by the offending thief, Philthy was heard to remark, “Hey, where’s my rum?” A true Shiggy Duster. The rum question remains unanswered.
By the time we reached the channel and the start of the cruise, very little hashing beverage remained in the green bottles. The Bashers battled a fierce headwind along the entire channel, passing two “rum deposit” stops, dozens of spectators, and MudHoney, who decided to ride half of the channel on the highway. After reaching Skaha Beach, the Bashers were delighted to find (after nearly 3 hours) the hares, the beer check, and warm washrooms. Goatbag had been waiting so long that he was forced to run 6 laps around the washrooms to keep from becoming hypothermic. The Bashers proceeded back to the circle, where Shunty partially redeemed himself by producing chips and candy.
Bash Down-downs were issued for the following:
Shunty and Goatbag for haring the longest ever Shiggy Dusters hash, for their double back-checks, and for causing the Bashers to be followed by the RCMP. Also for causing a fierce headwind to attack the Bash. And probably for some other things I forgot.
Philthy for wearing not one, but two articles of race clothing, and baring a race tattoo on his leg.
MudHoney for eating too many chips.
JustJason for…I forgot this one, too. Apparently I shouldn’t wait until Thursday to write the Report.
On-on,
JustJason
Click Here to watch Philty’s reaction to losing his bike mid-Bash!
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