(by Stinky)

Starting from Copper Mug Pub –  a sunny warm January afternoon – the lone hare (goat bag) waited for hashers to show.  Sperm Bank arrived shortly after one, and was convinced because no one was around that the pack had already left and she searched the surrounding area for traces of flour.  Then by 1:15 we did circle up with Shunty, Spermie, Stinky supported by Hugo (SSSH!) It was apparent Goatbag  was amply prepared to hare with chalk,  a  water bottle of flour, and a tennis ball with sack of flour.   SSS were given leis and two envelopes – one with “HC” and the other a “TC”.  Goatbag set off promising he would “take it easy with the checks”.

SSSH headed out without delay to Pole Jockey’s house and the “HC” check at his front door.  Pole Jockey said he enjoyed harmonizing on “Tiny Bubbles” but also said “anything was better than renovations and building a wall in the basement”.  Pole Jockey agreed without hesitation to hare the upcoming Ground Hog run on February 7.

SSSH set off again, and Goat Bag was true to his word with ample marks of chalk, flour and the checks were straight forward.   Spermbank dumped us to zen her way.  The run took us along the “K” streets and from there to the industrial area and the creekside trail where we found the BC and TC check.   The  ’ TC  ’ turned out to be a multiple choice quiz on Hawaii.  The testing was done carefully, as instructions indicated that there would be a prize for the most correct answers.  Beer was drunk, and with the quiz done we decided to zen back to the Copper Mug.  There we were greeted by MoanerLisa, her dad, and the hare, Goat Bag.  We gave MoanerLisa and her dad the quiz for their chance at the  prize.

Goat Bag marked the quizzes and it turns out that Shunty knows Hawaiian geography best and was awarded a grass skirted hula dancer!

Down Downs – Goat bag – For being the Hare and not marking a long stretch down Kilwinning Street.  Stinky – For being a poor quiz master (missed 4 questions on reverse side).  Shunty – For top marks on the quiz.  Sperm Bank – accused of spending tax payer dollars.

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We pulled into the parking lot of Anthony’s pub expecting that the balmy spring like conditions would result in a record turnout for Hard to Swallow’s hash, to be greeted only by the hare and Stares Hard in his neon bright, day-glo green, obviously bought at a clearance sale, brilliance that he calls a running jacket.  With only three hashers to chase down the hare, Goatbag jokingly suggested that perhaps we should form a triangle instead of a circle for the chalk talk today….

Just before the GM called for a circle up we spotted a familiar looking orange jacketed runner approaching from the West - apparently Just Jason was not working at Apex today.  Encouraged by the fact that we now had enough hashers to form some semblance of a circle, the hash was called to order.  The hare’s chalk talk consisted of a couple of microscopic squirts of flour mixed with some incoherent explanation about how the checks would be strategically placed on opposite sides of all intersection, and that (given the diminutive size of his flour dispenser) he would not actually be using much flour on the run.  Although we were not entirely convinced that there would actually be a trail to follow, we blessed the hare and the hash to get him on his way.  Stinky and Spermie arrived fresh off the boat from the Caribbean just prior to H2S’s departure, so it was decided that that we would spend the hare’s 10min lead in the pub celebrating the return of our wobbly sea-legged hashers.  The delightful Aimee served us some icy pre-lube pints which we leisurely enjoyed while being regaled by tales of Stinky and Spermie’s adventures on the high seas.

Eventually someone noticed how long it had been since we set the hare free, and we were off…only to be immediately bewildered by the first check…

After a few checks it became apparent that the confusion we initially experienced may be due to the almost complete lack of flour between checks - in addition, the flour we did encounter was often mistaken for specks of paper, sparrow droppings, or maybe even a single errant snowflake.

The marks led us through one of the rougher trailer parks in town, where the pack chose to strategically regrouped (perhaps for safety) before heading up a small trail running parallel to the channel parkway.  Pausing only to watch Stares Hard to try and sell his ass, and to photographically capture some innuendo under the Apex ski sign (four play), we ran on through the shig that the hare had so graciously provided for our muddy enjoyment.  The trail led us to a small slough were Goatbag photographed a bulrush murder scene and then proceeded to attempt to demonstrate his ice smashing skills by lofting several boulders onto the frozen pond.  The ice refused to give way, despite several hashers valiant attempts.  Giving up, we carried on along the trail, eventually finding the beer check alongside a creek.  Spermie spotted a bag of beer under a small tree and we all grabbed a frosty beer…choice of the day?  Shaftsbury’s “420 Lager” - wonder who their target market is!  Anyway, today it was hashers, so we guzzled them back and headed on our way.

The trail brought us back out onto the city streets, through a playground and uphill alongside Ellis creek to Government Street, and then turned back downhill - making a beeline to the Copper Mug Pub.  Greeted by pitchers of beer and our favourite server Brandy, we circled up and roasted the hare.  Down-downs were given to:

Hard to Swallow for haring an obscenely miserable super shitty shigalicious trail filled with tiny markings, littered with abandoned campers, snuggle toothed mobile home owners, and bags of dog poop.  For making us hash on an overcast day, for the long grind uphill on Industrial, and SOME OF US had to run back to the start.  I feel better now.

Stinky and Spermie - recently arrived back from their Caribbean cruise claiming they have vertigo when it’s clear they over-indulged in food and alcohol.

Shunty - Illegal race gear, for shame and for standing on a mark until everyone had run away in an obvious attempt to be the FRB.

Stareshard - Blew past the beer check, could we expect any less?

Goatbag - Spent more time finding unusual objects (and later referring to the act as “cumming across” said objects…ewww) than looking for marks and checks.

JustJason - no down downs for this lightweight…we had to ensure he had enough room to consume the big beer we gave him as part of his naming ceremony.  We are happy to introduce our latest named member…”SPEEDSTICK”.

On-On,

Shunty

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