Hash 98 welcomed co-hares (Long & Hard and Insatiable). We assembled in front of Uplands School under the full force of the Okanagan sun for what turned out to be a puzzling affair. Stinky and Spermy were late (but what’s new) and justViki was having hash-flash technical issues and so it was well past the hour before the devious hares took off. They left behind a pile of numbered envelopes full of square bits…..puzzling in itself!

The chasing pack (Philthy, Stinky, Spermy, Abysmal, Dog Snatcher, justViki, justLeslie, justNick, justCarie, and justKata) waited 8 minutes and then were in hot pursuit.

After a few on-ons and a couple of checks we found ourselves at the junction of the KVR and Vancouver Hill where we found a flour circle with the ‘1’. And, so envelope #1 was opened to reveal scrabble pieces…. PULL UR MAKUA. Many heads were scratched as we searched for a clue or a theme. Philthy was lost without Google. Just Nick was more interested in spreading his legs for a photo op. and Stinky had gone off to scout out the next mark. And, so it was Spermy and Dog Snatcher who eventually solved the puzzle – yes we were looking for the birth place of hashing ….Kuala Lumpur!

We were confident now and hurried off with the help of Stinky’s advanced scouting…..we were quickly lost! By now the hares were probably sunning themselves on the beach.

With our new found scrabble skills and reluctance to follow Stinky we were moving along quite quickly and the route took us towards Long & Hard’s house. It was a perfect spot for a beer check and when we realized it was just Beer Check #1 we were pretty excited about what lay ahead. But, for now we’d live in the moment and enjoy a cold beer, the shade and the pond. Philthy solved the scrabble puzzle and won some sex on the beach (it’s a drink!).

Half an hour later it was On-On and we were through an orchard and down the steps onto Forestbrook Dr. We struggled with the rest of the hash missing the next prize (another shot) and the next one….sigh! We were consoled by the sight of bikini clad hares at the next beer check. justNick got so excited he pulled down his shorts and mooned the hares and half of Alberta who were sat on Philthy’s beach.

Beer Check #2 proved to be the end and so we circled up on Philthy’s patio…..

Down-Downs:

The devious hares for not being able to spell hashing.

Stinky for getting us lost

justViki for trying to turn the hash into a camera club.

justKata for being a virgin

Abysmal for being a visiting hasher.

Foot note: Insatiable was renamed BLOW FLEX (and not Shut the F*ck Up)

Scribed by Philthy (On bloody On)

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Something was different this Sunday. It wasn’t that we met behind Peach City Runners at 1… we always do that. I think it might have been the fact that everyone were on bikes. It was the PH3’s Second Annual Bash! Still reliving the joy from last year’s bash (rumoured that there was still one hasher still out riding in town from it), everyone was pumped for fun and excitement. Hare-ette’s Mudhoney and MoanerLisa dispensed envelopes, chalk talk while Goatbag dispensed rum & cokes in Shunty’s stubby bottles. The hares dispersed and the drinking commenced as it was hot out and better to be prudent. Eventually the pack rode off, JustViki injuring herself within 100 metres on the first curb jump. The first check confused everyone, which was good as it gave JustLeslie a chance to get some air (in her tire). Finally, a mark of some kind was spotted in another postal code and the whistles rang out. Everyone had strict instructions this year to only blow when you saw something. Ha!

A false trail up the stairs killed some time and we ended up on Marina Way at the beach. Envelope #1 was opened and Philthy bravely volunteered to take on for the pack and went and did a headstand in the lake. More hydration occurred along with some cycling and we ventured down an alley only to be flummoxed again. After much blundering we ended up down on Power Street where yet another check was found, but then nothing…. Following normal pack procedures, we split up and began zenning.

Amazingly, another mark was found at the Rose Garden and some did reconnaisance while Long ‘N Hard was serviced by JustNick and friends. I think her tire was fixed or something. At the dam we were to open Envelope #3… 3? What about 2?? Uh oh. Anyways, we were instructed to do burpees and a myriad of calisthenics. Whatever happened is never to be revealed, a pact was made. Down past Coyote Cruises we sailed on our bikes and under the Hwy 97 bridge we found stop #4. Everyone piled into the water as we were to high-five as many floaters as possible. Not an easy task with the current. I think Long ‘N Hard won, not that we are competitive. From there we headed eastward, ending up at a playground where everyone displayed their strength and agility or lack thereof. We were getting very hot and tired and were so pleased to see a chalk Ice cream cone behind the Dairy Queen only to be taken past with no treats. Then we followed an arrow into the Copper Mug only to be denied again. The hare(ettes) were being especially cruel. Almost giving up in despair, Philthy mentioned that he might have knowledge of the location of the beer check. Quickly riding up the KVR we were almost at Philthy’s residence when mechanical breakdown #3 occurred, this being JustNick. Being loyal hashers with beer so near, we abandoned him to the tourists and sojourned to Philthy’s for beverages and to reenact stop #2 (which we missed), the cannonball competition off the raft.

Finally cooled off, we headed off to the Parrot for the official closing ceremonies of the Second Annual Bash. Downdowns were served up to:

Hares Mudhoney and MoanerLisa for confusing us all, teasing us with false signs and most heinously, causing our rum & cokes to get warm with the tricky course.
JustNick for becoming overexcited at the Parrot and getting some sort of cream all over his shorts.
JustLeslie for missing a vital check on Lakeshore Drive, delaying our cannonball competition and then doing an illegal cannonball.
Long ‘N Hard for abusing the RA and making foul hand signals while riding.
JustViki for wounding herself within the first two minutes of the hash (I believe a new record).
Goatbag received one for something minute and unmemorable (as I can’t remember it).

And they all lived happily ever after. (On-On!)

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