It all started out quite innocently in Long n’ Hard’s backyard, a raggedy bunch of hashers lazing about by the Koi pond and reclining sleepily on the lawn. Although they were most likely enticed by the promise of ice cold beer and grilled animal flesh (or vegetable skins for those that so preferred) after the hash, the pack seemed reluctant to get under way. Goatbag himself was nearly asleep on the lawn in his five-toed shoes, and seemed indifferent to the garden gnome that settled itself under his arm for a quick photo shoot. Finally, the GM appeared from the side of the house carrying an enormous cooler of beer and called the hash to order. The pack welcomed Dog Snatcher to the group and Long n’ Hard gave us a quick chalk talk that was nearly illegible in the lush green grass of her backyard. After a quick blessing - the hare was off…
We waited the requisite 10 minutes, debating whether or not the hare actually left her house unlocked or not…perhaps we could skip all this nonsense and get the grill fired up now and tuck into a few of those bevvies! Despite finding the basement door completely unsecured, the pack chose instead to chase down the hare - not to be our last bad decision of the day!
The hash started out reasonably well, despite the fact that we lost the trail three times in the first two km, but once we reached Vancouver Hill - it all went downhill. We had encountered the first of many loops that this hare was about to serve up, and in typical hash fashion when dealing with a loop, we ran it backwards. Of course it made no sense and the pack was quickly divided, Goatbag and Philthy were last seen encouraging each other’s athletic prowess as they raced up a side street and disappeared. After nearly 15 min of confusion, and some strange arm-waving from Philthy, the pack realized that they were on the trail backwards, and quickly re-assembled to head southward on the KVR.
A little ways down the gravelly path, the hashers ran into Jolly St. Nick and paused for a photo op. Encouraged by the portent of the fat red man, the pack raced on down the trail with cries of “on-on” resounding through the back alleys of Pickering Street. As the group rounded an uphill corner past a check that Philthy had just solved, a man and his wife happened to be gardening, and apparently Philthy had surprised them with his boisterous cry of “On-ON!” ”That young chap really has a bugle when he decides to let ‘er go!” the man called out to G-Spot as she passed, much to the amusement of the nearby hashers.
The flour led us up, up, up the hill towards a schoolyard where we had paused for much needed refreshment many times in the past, but then looped back on itself, and led us back down the hill to revisit the friendly gardener. F’n Loop #2 - and we were lost again.
Eventually G-Spot put us right and led us up the side of a raging creek and through some large patches of Poison Ivy. Certain now that the beer check would be at McNichol school, the pack ran with renewed enthusiasm. However, once we arrived though we were lost again. Apparently there were two or three more loops here that would need to be solved.
The pack spit up once again and attempted to solve the impossible trail, in fear of missing a hidden stash of ice cold beer lying in wait. G-Spot once again came to our rescue, finding the solution to two or three dead ends leading us onward towards cool refreshment. Goatbag completely disappeared at this point, and despite numerous cries of ON-BLOODY-ON from the rest of the pack - SpeedStick and G-Spot headed up the creek on another long false trail…(G-Spot would later return pregnant with a smiling SpeedStick). Just Cheryl’s indomitable stride led us up an impossible flight of stairs and along a narrow path on the cliff side of a blossoming orchard.
The trail was again full of overgrown shiggy and poison ivy, and involved many narrow spots that had to be crawled under, through, and over. Finally the trail broke at a lovely deck overlooking the creek and valley that we had been running about in attempting to solve the trail…and the hare had been watching us and drinking cold beer for the latter part of the run. After enjoying some snacks and beer on Dave and Willie’s deck (our gracious beer check hosts) we headed back to Long and Hard’s yard for more beer and BBQ’d meat (and veggies).
At the circle, down-downs were given out to:
The Hare for the crazy looping trail with too many uphills and the shiggy full of Poison Ivy
Shunty for missing the first mark
Philthy for waving about wildly and not calling on (bloody) on
Stinky for not checking and standing on the check (damn FRB)
JustCheryl for her running perfection and ability to surmount any obstacle (stairs)
G-Spot for loving the hash so much and sacrificing her health and well being to find the trail at any cost.
Spermy & Dogcatcher for starting up the hill, then standing on the check and zenning elsewhere
JustDave&JustWillie for hosting the beercheck for such a debaucherous group
Speedstick for misleading G-Spot up the creek and bringing her back pregnant
After the circle we were joined by some long lost hash babes…MudHoney and MoanerLisa came to join our celebration, and some new hash babes also showed up: Ocean, Tyler, Markus, Andrea and Wendy.
(Oh yeah - and Goatbag and H2S also made appearances!)
On-On,
Shunty
Entries (RSS)
Hey Dogsnatcher (catcher). I lost your email address. You can email me at dantethedog@hotmail.com so we can plan next week’s hash.