We gathered at Selby Park on the West Bench Drive to enjoy a Soggy hash complete with shooter checks and horse shit. Present was Shunty, HeadBanger, SirComesAlot, GoatBag and Doggystyle. The hare, SoggyBalls gave a chalk talk and made sure we noted the XXX marking and that WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GO BACK TO THE LAST CHECK. I think he said it twice.

Anyways, at some point he left and everyone had stopped peeing and up the hill we climbed. It seemed oh so simple, follow the marks and avoid the huge piles of horse crap everywhere. Arriving at the Shooter check, we searched for the Burger 55 paper bag (it was Wendy’s), found the cups and then found the bottle in the tree. Our palates quenched we dashed off with glee and found the next mark at the bottom of the hill followed by the XXX. Following instructions we trooped back up the hill to the shooter check and re-searched going even farther out the other directions finding nothing. Then we went farther out. At some point Shunty attempted one of his immortal zens. Not long after news comes back that the hare has been sighted down by the ‘XXX’ mark. Curses.

We regroup (except for Shunty, who upon hearing the news that the hare was seen to the south says ‘I’m going north’). Going back down the hill we discover a brand new check! Turns out the hare got a little excited and forgot to put one down. At least that killed half an hour. Off we go again, texting Shunty who is somewhere over by the Max Lake gravel pit. We arrive back at the cars where there is a JtB check (Jack shots and beer). Doggystyle and Goatbag partake and the hare is sighted once again far to the north. Off we go in hot pursuit and a nice little old lady leads us astray.

Back on track we end up on the KVR where the hare still manages to do more back-checks and then just below Pine Hills Golf Course we encounter a GingerBread beer check! We also see Shunty in the far distance but ignore the errant zenner. Half alive, we clamber up a very steep mountainside and arrive at the beer check, laid out in individual Burger 55 bags. Some people got beer, some people got water, some people got rocks. There was more peeing, someone exposed their urethra and SoggyBalls exposed his hiding place and came out. We told him where to go and then all headed up an even steeper ‘trail’ to end up on a lovely trail that wound it’s way (after 20 minutes) back to the vehicles. Downdowns were issued, curses called out and we all lived happily ever after. Except Soggy…. bad Soggy bad!!

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The temperature had been climbing all day and the only ones who dared make the trip up to West Kelowna was HeadBanger and the Goat. They wound their way up some godforsaken dirt road and finally sighted the dratted hare (Skiddy). We waited the obligatory 2 minutes for everyone else to arrive and then of course did introductions. Apparently that revealed that SnailTrail was present as well. Due to low numbers there would be no ‘Treat Check’ out in the woods, we’d have to come back for that. The hare asked for five minutes and…. was off.

Two-thirds of the group were already suffering from that morning’s 12K White Lake run, so it wasn’t a very blistering pace that was set. It was slow enough for the R.A., GoatBag, to give SnailTrail a primer on calling marks, spotting marks etc. She soon dropped him. We made our way back to the road again and from there we climbed, and climbed and climbed and good grief… we climbed! The Smith Creek area is famous for it’s lovely mountain bike trail system, but the hare must have made some mistake as we were climbing up all the down trails! Finally we summitted, saw some bikers and deer, and started to descend.

We ran into a back-check after one very long descent and this caused panic as we really didn’t want to climb back up. Okay, we couldn’t climb back up. A call to the micro-managing hare revealed that we only had to go back to the last trail. From there it was past a lovely meadow and then to the Picture Check, a fantastic view, but revealed a trail that dropped straight down. The Goat tried to instruct on proper technique for death trails but only SnailTrail got sucked in. At the bottom it flattened out and soon the hare was spotted by a lovely creek. Anything wet and cold is lovely at this point. There were no treats, no beer, but we didn’t care, we just wanted to get in the hare’s car and go back to the circle. Oh no…. we still have 2K to go! And it’s all uphill! No one loves the hare!

Much time passed and we followed all the marks back with coaching from the hare on where to go. We had some ideas on where he should go as well. Back to the circle where everyone got in trouble, little chocolate cups with Bailey’s was produced, interesting drinking items were produced and much fun was had. They then headed off to the local Thai Fusion restaurant and lived happily ever after!

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